I have a few questions ...

• Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
• If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
• If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
• If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
• Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
• If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
• If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
• Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?
• What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
• Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
• If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
• As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells 'THEIRS'